Welcome to “Curl Chronicles,” a space dedicated to exploring the multifaceted world of Black hair – the highs, the lows, and everything that lies in the middle. This month, writer Shani Hillian takes us through her personal journey of understanding and embracing her daughter’s hair.
I can still vividly recall the first time I had my hair pressed at the age of 10, back in the vibrant ’90s. Seated in the salon chair, I braved the heat of the Marcel iron as it transformed my natural 3C curls into sleek, straight strands. The scent of burnt hair wafted around me, but the desire to emulate my idols, like Aaliyah and Monica, was far too compelling to ignore. Once the process was finished, I was overjoyed as I ran my fingers through my silky, straightened hair. That experience marked the start of my complicated relationship with straightening my curls, leading me to believe that my natural hair was somehow lacking.
As I transitioned to a largely white high school in Voorhees, New Jersey, my negative feelings toward my natural hair only grew stronger. Surrounded by peers and celebrities who predominantly sported straight hairstyles, I felt an overwhelming urge to fit into society’s narrow definitions of beauty. The absence of curly-haired representation in the media only reinforced the notion that my natural curls were not worthy of admiration. I found myself either straightening my hair or resorting to protective styles, never fully embracing my authentic texture. Unbeknownst to me, this internalized stigma regarding my curls was quietly shaping my self-image.
At home, my mother, a busy working mom, often suggested braids and protective styles as they were simpler for her to manage. While I believe she saw my curls as beautiful, the lack of guidance and knowledge about caring for my natural hair made me feel as though it needed to be subdued or concealed. Without the right education and affirmation, I struggled to recognize the beauty inherent in my natural curls.
Everything changed when I began to care for my daughter’s hair, which initiated a journey of healing and self-acceptance for me. In learning how to nurture her coils and kinks, I gradually discovered the beauty of embracing our natural hair textures. As I tended to her curls, I found myself learning to appreciate and love my own. Caring for her hair became a meaningful act of self-care and a way to reclaim my own identity.
Through my exploration of the complexities surrounding Black hair, I’ve come to understand that our hair represents far more than a mere physical characteristic – it embodies our history, culture, and resilience. Embracing our natural hair is an act of self-love and empowerment, a tribute to our roots and heritage. As we navigate the joys and challenges associated with Black hair, let’s remember that our curls are a crown that we should wear with pride.
