Why are we so critical of ourselves after meeting someone new? Self-protection. – Casson Living – World News, Breaking News, International News

Social interactions often put us on the defensive. When we meet new individuals, we frequently worry about the impression we’re making. This anxiety can cloud our perception, causing us to overlook the fact that the other person is likely experiencing the same concern. A fascinating study led by Erica J. Boothby, published in Psychological Science on September 5, uncovers that people tend to hold a more favorable view of us during initial encounters than we might realize.

We expend an excessive—some might even argue “unhealthy”—amount of energy worrying about others’ perceptions of us. In reality, we have little understanding of how we truly come across, and yet we create a metaperception of ourselves that reflects how we believe we are perceived. According to the recent study, this self-assessment is often harsh.

The “liking gap”

The study highlights a significant disconnect in how two individuals evaluate one another during their first meeting, revealing an unexpected trend. The findings indicate that during initial interactions, both individuals generally hold a positive view of each other but mistakenly assume they themselves have made a poor impression. This results in a humorous imbalance, known as the “liking gap,” where the perceived affection does not match reality.

Co-author Margaret S. Clark explains to YaleNews, “This phenomenon, which we term the ‘liking gap,’ can obstruct the formation of new relationships.” She elaborates, “People become so entangled in their own anxieties about their dialogue that they fail to recognize signs of appreciation from others, which observers can easily see.”

Because both individuals appreciate each other more than they believe they are appreciated, “We adopt a self-protective pessimism, hesitant to assume the other person likes us until confirmed.” This tendency complicates interactions, potentially squandering opportunities for genuine connection. In hindsight, “We scrutinize our performance, regretting missed opportunities to share a joke smoothly or worrying about coming off as boastful.”

The experiments behind the study

Boothby and her team conducted a series of experiments to investigate this phenomenon.

Experiment 1a: Is There a Liking Gap?

In the first experiment, researchers enlisted 36 participants from the Yale community, comprising 72.2 percent female and 27.8 percent male, with an average age of 23.25 years (standard deviation of 6.12 years).

Participants were paired with same-sex partners and provided with ice-breaking questions to facilitate conversation as they sat together at a large table for five minutes. Their interaction was recorded, and a large analog clock was used to help them manage their time. Afterward, the individuals were separated and asked to rate their agreement with eight statements—four assessing how much they liked the other person and four evaluating their belief about the other person’s feelings towards them. The results indicated that individuals significantly underestimated the level of affection others felt for them after a brief exchange, coining this discrepancy the “liking gap.”

A subsequent test, 1b, aimed to ascertain whether participants were signaling their approval during the conversations. Although evidence of positive signals was present, they were not accurately interpreted. Study 2 delved into the reasons behind the liking gap, revealing that when participants engaged in conversations without icebreakers, they held more negative beliefs about how they were perceived compared to their views on others, leading them to think their conversation partners disliked them.

In Study 3, researchers found that the liking gap remained consistent across various conversation lengths, with participants continually underestimating their partners’ fondness for them. Study 4 explored this gap in real-world settings, showing that individuals underestimated how interesting their conversation partners found them both before and after discussions. Finally, Study 5 assessed the longevity of the liking gap, revealing that it endured over a year, emphasizing the crucial role of first impressions in relationship formation.

In summary, the research underscores a common tendency to undervalue how much others appreciate us, highlighting the importance of initial interactions in shaping our perceptions and relationships. So, when you’re meeting someone new, keep in mind that they are likely just as concerned about your opinions of them as you are about theirs.